Gross anatomy lab; it is a rite of passage that every future physician goes through and is an experience like no other.
I barely slept the night before my first day in the gross anatomy lab. My mind would not turn off; “How will I react to seeing the cadaver?” “Will I pass out? Throw up? Not be able to handle it?” “What will it feel like? Smell like? Will my hair absorb the smell?” When morning came, I knew I had to eat something for breakfast, even though I was not overly hungry.
My First Day of Gross Anatomy Lab
At 7:30am I walked into school, up to the 8th floor, into the women’s locker room. I changed into my ill-fitting cheap scrubs and new lab coat, scanned my badge to get into the lab, and walked over to table 9.
The room was lit up with fluorescent lights and was filled with stainless steel tables; some with fold-out lids on them, some with thick, white plastic bags that were closed with a zipper. It was very cold, but I didn’t mind because the coolness calmed my nerves. “It doesn’t smell as weird as I thought it would,” I thought to myself. Little did I know. . .
8:00am and we began. We unzipped the bag and saw the human in front of us. Our first patient. For some people, the closest they have ever been to a dead body. His face was covered with a green towel. I was glad. Right now, he is just a body, if I saw his face, he would become a person.
Our professor reminded us that these people wanted this. It was their desire to donate their bodies to help educate the next generation’s physicians and performing the dissections and learning everything we could from our body is how we honor their wishes.
Our first block consisted of the structures of the back. Since our class was split up in half, the other group did the initial cuts of the back. The skin was removed and some of the muscles were detached so they could be reflected up to see the structures underneath.
“Okay, I can do this.” “I have wanted to be here all my life and here I am.” “You want to be a surgeon, you can cut this cadaver.”
My mental pep talk.
I could tell some of the other people in my lab group were hesitant as well, so I stepped up. Forceps in one hand, scissors in the other, here I go.
Our job that day was to identify certain muscles, blood vessels, and nerves.
“Wow, nerves are a lot bigger than I thought.” “Muscle looks like meat.” “Arteries and nerves look the same, how am I ever going to differentiate between the two?”
Once you get your hands in the body and get to work, you adapt very quickly. You are just focusing on the region of the body you are responsible for that day. It is not a body, it is a group of muscles; a bundle of nerves; lots of connective tissue.
And it is fascinating.
Getting Into The Thick Of It
Each block there was a new challenge; a tiny nerve we had to find, using the bone saw for the first time, cutting the legs off. But we got through it because it is what we had to do.
There were only two times that I felt particularly uneasy in lab: using the bone saw and dissecting the face. The bone saw was easy to get past. The smell was funky and there was dust everywhere, but again, you disconnect yourself from the fact that you are sawing a human being.
The face was not so easy to get past.
Up until this point, our cadaver had his face covered with a towel and we were very careful to keep that towel on throughout the semester. But our last block was head and neck, and that obviously includes the face.
The morning of the lab where we had to skin the face, you could tell that the vibes in the lab were different. Where it was usually filled with mostly upbeat voices talking about needing more coffee that morning or how excited they were for the weekend, was now filled with quiet murmurings and an overall sense of hesitation.
We took the towel off of the face and there he was, our donor body. He still had his facial hair which somehow made him seem even more human.
I am usually the one in my group to dive on in and get started on the dissection, but that day I just kind of froze. This was someone’s son, friend, husband, and I had to do something that only medical students and serial killers do. It was an experience like no other, but I got through it.
The Finish Line
Today was my last day dissecting in the gross anatomy lab. I will be in there a few more times before our practical in 5 days, but no more dissecting. It is pretty bittersweet.
I am going to miss it. Is that weird to say?
I am one of the very few people in this world who has the privilege of learning anatomy, hands-on, with a real human body. I am one of the very few people in this world who gets this intimate experience with the human body. Organs that most people have never seen, I have held in my hands.
Gross anatomy lab is a humbling privilege. It is the connection between our anatomy textbook to real life. And I am so grateful for having the opportunity to learn from these individuals who are continuing to give back even after death.
I would like to end with a thank you to all of our donor bodies. These 14 men and women donated their bodies to educate medical students. They contributed to their communities both in life and now after death. I hope they will all rest peacefully knowing that they gave us an incredibly invaluable educational experience.
